Have you ever noticed how you might prefer a hug from your friend, rather than well-meant advise? Or a compliment from your spouse, rather than a gift? This makes sense when you follow Gary Chapman’s theory on how we like to give and receive affection. An interesting read, especially when you find out what your partner’s love language is! I’ll tell your all about the 5 love languages, and how they can work for you: This way you can work this piece of knowledge to your advantage!
The 5 love languages, just another personality quiz?
I like doing personality tests. As a long-time fan of the Meyers-Briggs format, I realize how some tests in particular can give you some interesting new insights in your personality. Yet when I ran into a test named “What is your love language” I was a little sceptical at first. I expected the typically forcibly “romantic” results which would advise me to make sure to get a hubbie who would take me on a surprise trip to Paris. Accompanied by a corny picture of the Eiffel-tower, of course.
But when I started the test, I soon found myself happily surprised. The questions clearly center around what kind of manners of affection you like to receive. Do you prefer your friends to hug you when you’re feeling down, or would you rather have them listen to your problems? Did you like your parents telling you they were proud of you, or did you appreciate them showing their love by including you in their trips?
When I received the results, it gave me an interesting insight which sounded very true to my personality. I prefer being verbally affirmed by people, and I feel best spending quality time with my loved ones, rather than – for instance, receiving gifts.
This entire test became even more interesting when I realized that if I could get the Mister to take it, I would instantly know all about his affectional preferences (and yep, this is where I should include a GIF of a diabolical mastermind tapping his fingers in unison).
Needless to say I instantly sent out an e-mail asking him kindly (but pressingly) to take this test.
And when I received his results back, I was happy – yet in hindsight not too surprised* – to find out that we share the same love language.
* As we have nearly two decades of succesful romance to show for it!
So what are the 5 love languages?
Gary Chapman describes the 5 love languages in his book “The five love languages: The secret to love that lasts”. There’s ‘words of affirmation’, ‘acts of service’, ‘quality time’, ‘gift giving’ and ‘physical touch’. The terms are easy to relate to and thus pretty much speak for themselves.
He describes that you can find out a person’s love language by paying attention how this person shows their love to the people around them. But an easier way to find out is by doing the 5 love languages test. After completion, the top two results signify your primary love languages.
What can we learn from the 5 love languages test?
According to Chapman’s theory, understanding your partner’s love language can prevent unnecassery fights and misunderstandings. For instance, a husband who shows his love by doing the dishes (an act of service), might feel unappreciated by the wife who isn’t aware of his love language. She views doing the dishes as a typical household chore. She on the other hand, would much rather receive a hug (‘physical touch’) which the husband – as this doesn’t come naturally to him – often forgets. Knowing your spouse’s love language can easily create more mutual understanding and provide some cookie cutter solutions when a couple feels they’re drifting apart.
There is obviously always room to learn more about ourselves and on the matters of affection and how we’d like to receive it. But to my opinion, this test becomes truly interesting when you find out the results of your partner, family or friends. Knowing and truly understanding how someone likes being loved best opens up a new window of understanding and possibilities, which will make communication easier and more fluent.
Want to know more about the 5 love languages? You can consider looking into Chapman’s book about the topic.
What is your love language? Make sure to share your results in the comments!
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